They asked a bunch of questions
More than just a few
And then voila! The answers
A new report by Pew!
What seems to make you Jewish
Is it birth or your belief?
The answers that so many gave
For us a cause for grief
Did you marry Jewish?
Is it concern to you?
What exactly does it mean
To say, “I am a Jew”?
Are you considered Orthodox?
Were you born that way?
Do you plan to leave the fold?
Do you plan to stay?
The questions that I noticed
And things that some preferred
At least in my opinion
Seemed something quite absurd
One percent of Ultras
(The name for Orthodox)
Said they had an X-mas tree
To me that is a pox!
So out of 10,000 chareidim
There are 100 trees!
Mr. Pew
I beg of you
Would you get real, oh please!
One percent of Ultra
For Orthodox it’s four
This survey had me scratching
I can’t believe for sure!
They talk about the rising rate
Of Jews leaving the fold
And intermarriage in the ranks
That story’s getting old
But more and more it’s rising
They say not what to do
To keep our nation thriving
And keep the pride in Jew
At least one stat they told us
Was not such a deflator
One hundred percent of our type
Say they make a Seder
I know to you that’s poshut
But the next stat’s not so funny
About fourteen percent of frums
On Shabbos handle money!
I think they must mean “handel”
Like shmooze about gesheft
For surely not 14 percent
Have picked up cash they left!
I’m not sure what
These numbers mean
And all 200 pages
I know netzach Yisroel
Will stay here for the ages!
