Thursday, Jul 25, 2024

What To Do With The Pew

Again they made a study To figure out the Jew This time they spent some millions And called themselves “The Pew”

They asked a bunch of questions

More than just a few

And then voila! The answers

A new report by Pew!


What seems to make you Jewish

Is it birth or your belief?

The answers that so many gave

For us a cause for grief


Did you marry Jewish?
Is it concern to you?

What exactly does it mean

To say, “I am a Jew”?


Are you considered Orthodox?

Were you born that way?

Do you plan to leave the fold?

Do you plan to stay?


The questions that I noticed

And things that some preferred

At least in my opinion

Seemed something quite absurd


One percent of Ultras

(The name for Orthodox)

Said they had an X-mas tree

To me that is a pox!


So out of 10,000 chareidim

There are 100 trees!

Mr. Pew

I beg of you

Would you get real, oh please!


One percent of Ultra

For Orthodox it’s four

This survey had me scratching

I can’t believe for sure!


They talk about the rising rate

Of Jews leaving the fold

And intermarriage in the ranks

That story’s getting old


But more and more it’s rising

They say not what to do

To keep our nation thriving

And keep the pride in Jew


At least one stat they told us

Was not such a deflator

One hundred percent of our type

Say they make a Seder


I know to you that’s poshut

But the next stat’s not so funny

About fourteen percent of frums

On Shabbos handle money!


I think they must mean “handel

Like shmooze about gesheft

For surely not 14 percent

Have picked up cash they left!


I’m not sure what

These numbers mean

And all 200 pages

I know netzach Yisroel

Will stay here for the ages!



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