Once, during a tish on Shabbos Shuvah, the Pnei Menachem said something so simple, yet a bit frightening. He remarked: “Imagine if tonight was the Seder night and you were about to eat the kezayis matzah. Wow! You are full of hislahavus for this opportunity to fulfill the once-a-year mitzvah de’Oraysa of achilas matzah. But for some reason, you are not so hungry, so you just take a nibble. All you manage to eat is a chatzi shiur—half the shiur that you are obligated to eat to fulfill the mitzvah.
“No one would ever entertain the thought of being yotzei the mitzvah of matzah with a chatzi shiur. You aren’t yotzei the mitzvah with a chatzi shiur. You need a full shiur!”
The Pnei Menachem, in a voice full of rachamim, continued: “Teshuvah is also a mitzvas asei. Does anyone think that they can be yotzei the mitzvah of teshuvah with a chatzi shiur, with a half measure, by just going through the motions and nodding to Hashem while mumbling that this year I will try to be better if I can…?! The Rambam paskens that the shiur of teshuvah is that Hashem, Who knows all our secrets, should be able to testify that our teshuvah was so sincere that we would truly never again repeat that aveirah.”
The Pnei Menachem then concluded: “We are not saying that you can’t say half the Selichos or half the machzor. Saying words is not the goal. The goal is that a nekudah, a pintele in one’s heart, must be opened. Even if one says only part of the tefillah, it isn’t the number of words that count. The full shiur of teshuvah comes from the heart—the real heart. A true change in the heart, a real hisorerus of the pintele Yid, that burning ember in every neshomah that just needs to be ignited.”
Doing Teshuva with…Simcha?
Yes, it is true. A chatzi shiur is not enough. Yet, the question arises: How do we awaken that pintele Yid and truly do teshuvah?
I once heard from a gadol something that initially sounded radical to me, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. He said, “Teshuvah must be done with simcha.”
Yes, it sounds paradoxical. If we are expressing deep remorse for our aveiros, isn’t that a contradiction to simcha? The answer is no. Teshuvah is a mitzvah, and just like every other mitzvah must be done with simcha, teshuvah, too, must be done with simcha.
Think for a moment about how aveiros distance us from Hashem and how close we once again become when we do teshuvah and tell Hashem, “Hashem, I don’t want to be so far. I want to come back. I will not return to that place again. I feel sorry for having done something that You do not allow…”
When we think such thoughts, when we plan ways to ensure that we don’t fall into that pit again, we can almost feel the weight of the aveirah lift off, leaving us lighter, closer to Him, and ready to start anew.
The gadol explained: “The Torah was not given to malachim. The same Ribbono Shel Olam Who created us with all our different retzonos, both for good and the opposite of good, also gave us the mitzvah of teshuvah. The Torah wasn’t given to malachei hashoreis. It was given to human beings with their ups and downs. Hashem created teshuvah because He knows our nature. If we show Him that we want to return, He accepts us.”
All we need to do, as the Pnei Menachem said, is “try uncovering the pintele hartz.” Perhaps if we engage in this mitzvah with simcha, it will be easier to fulfill it with a full shiur.
Arousing the Soton’s Nervousness
This brought to mind an explanation I once heard about the Soton’s confusion on Rosh Hashanah.
When the Soton hears Yidden blow the shofar twice, once before Shemoneh Esrei and once during Shemoneh Esrei, he becomes confused and unable to properly prosecute the Yidden.
The Yerushalmi explains that the Soton panics, because he thinks that the sound of the shofar is the shofar of Moshiach. Why? The first time he hears it, he realizes that it is Rosh Hashanah and is not alarmed. But when he hears the Yidden blow again, he truly becomes nervous and says, “This must be Moshiach!” Flustered, he cannot present his accusations before Hashem.
Rav Eliezer Bialystoker, one of the Kotzker Rebbe’s most renowned talmidim, son-in-law of the famed Nesivos Hamishpot, Rav Yaakov Loberbaum, and a talmid of the Chiddushei Harim, offered an insightful explanation. He said: “What does the Soton try to do on Rosh Hashanah? He says to Hashem on the Yom Hadin, ‘Hashem, look at the Yidden. They don’t serve You with devotion. They don’t learn Torah properly. They don’t daven with enough kavanah. They spend so much time on business, involved in the mundane, rather than dedicating themselves to ruchniyus.’
“What does the defending malach of the Yidden answer? He says, ‘Look at Your beloved children! They strive to serve You. They invest in the chinuch of their children. They personally try to learn. They endeavor to fulfill Your mitzvos and often succeed. What can they do when earning a livelihood is so difficult? What can they do when the goyim decree hardships to make life and parnassah harder? They are doing their best under very trying circumstances.’
“But the Soton refuses to be convinced. He argues, ‘What are you saying, that they are busy and have worries? Should ‘busy’ prevent someone from such an exalted endeavor as serving Hashem? Should worry be so overwhelming that it knocks an oveid Hashem off his path? How can you claim that?’
“At that climactic moment, when it seems that the Soton is winning, what happens? The shofar begins to blow—not once, but twice. The Soton pales, moaning, ‘Oy, is this Moshiach coming? Is Moshiach going to come and put the Soton to death, as the Gemara says?’ He grows so nervous that he can’t continue his accusations.
“The defending malach then rises and says, ‘Look, Ribbono Shel Olam, the Soton, who is a malach, not flesh and blood, becomes so confused, so shaken, and so full of worry when he hears the shofar that he can’t even prosecute. He is struck dumb. How, then, can there be a taana against the Yidden, who are made of flesh and blood, when they don’t serve You perfectly? You created them with a lowly guf, so, of course, difficulties and worries throw them off at times.’
“At that moment, when Hashem compares the Yidden’s efforts despite their limitations to the Soton, He proclaims, ‘Yes, this year will be a shanah tovah umesukah!’”
Let us all strive to do teshuvah and not suffice with a chatzi shiur. At the same time, let us fulfill the mitzvah of teshuvah with the simcha shel mitzvah that is required for every mitzvah. When we do this, the year 5786 will surely be a shanah tovah umesukah.
Tichleh shanah vekileloseha. Tacheil shanah ubirkoseha. May this year and its curses end, and may the new year begin with all of its brocha.
