Every day, powerful, sometimes earth- or even continent-shattering executive orders come out of the Oval Office, signed and expounded by our 47th president, Donald J. Trump.
Every time I hear about some edict that is about to be announced, I brace myself, not in fear, but in anticipation of a powerful, common-sense proclamation that will either forge a path to normalcy or at least undo an outlandish policy put in place by his predecessor.
Just recently, the president, wielding the authority of a man with the ability to push a button that could initiate global annihilation, announced a brand-new proclamation that would undo a senseless statute established by President 46.
In his usual flamboyant fashion, Mr. Trump declared on his megaphone medium, Truth Social, “I will be signing an Executive Order next week ending the ridiculous Biden push for Paper Straws, which don’t work. BACK TO PLASTIC!”
Imagine that! I live in a country where the former president of the United States—the man who could have blown up the world if he pushed the wrong button in his sleep—banned plastic straws. It took the overthrow of his administration and the uncovering of billions in corrupt spending to finally undo that edict.
I am not wont (not to be confused with woke) to drink with straws. I never saw my father or grandfather drink with one. However, we do use them at home to ensure that the lebens and yogurts we give our grandchildren don’t spill. Stabbing a straw through the cover was much easier with plastic straws than with paper ones. The paper straws somehow never made it through without cracking. And if left too long in the leben, yogurt, or even soda, they would unravel like the former president’s plans to save the environment.
I knew that destroying drug cartels, deporting violent illegals, stopping wasteful spending, sanctioning Iran, and lifting the ban on arms shipments to Israel were all part of the president’s whirlwind of directives in his first weeks. Truth (Social) be told, I was a bit surprised to find out that paper straws were also on the hit list.
I am not sure this is about paper versus plastic. It seems more about the doctrine of the anti-Biden.
It reminds me of the story of Yankel, a fellow who always felt that none of his opinions were ever heard or considered among his friends at shul. Relegated to a corner, he found that if he ever mustered the courage to voice an opinion, it was hardly acknowledged.
Dejected, Yankel complained to his wife, “No one ever listens to me! Any comment or idea I have is simply ignored! Why don’t I ever get any attention?”
His wife advised him, “Next time they make an announcement in shul, run to the bimah, give a klop, and shout the opposite opinion!”
Yankel liked the idea and seized his opportunity that night at Maariv. It was the first night of Rosh Chodesh, and after Kaddish, the gabbai gave a klop and announced, “Yaaleh Veyavo!”
Immediately, Yankel sprang into action. He ran to the bimah, gave an even louder klop, and shouted, “Lo yaaleh! Velo yavo!”
It’s interesting to live in a country where deep political conversations turn out to be one gabbai screaming, “Paper straws!” and the new gabbai screaming back, “No! Plastic straws!”
Symbolically, even small acts can be significant. The president likely recognizes this, as Chazal teach that during times of religious persecution, one must be willing to sacrifice their life even for something as minor as the color of a shoelace. Uprooting a philosophy requires the removal of all associated elements. While I’m not equating the reinstatement of plastic straws with the reversal of Democrat policies or the eradication of heresy, I do understand the importance and symbolism of such actions.
Truth be told, even though this appears to be a b’davka type move, it’s a statement. For him, the former meddling into the minutest aspects of our lives was, l’havdil, the arksah dimsana.
It’s true that in a time of war and turmoil, one could ask for the president to focus on more pressing matters. But that’s no argument—he is! The concern arises when all a president seems to focus on is turtles choking because they drink from plastic straws.
It’s fascinating to note that the paper straw ban was issued on July 19th of last year, along with a 90-page manifesto in which the Biden administration declared that the federal government would no longer purchase plastic straws. This policy aimed to phase out single-use plastics from food service operations, events, and packaging by 2027, and from all federal operations by 2035.
I guess we now know what Biden was preoccupied with at that time. After all, two days later, he dropped out of the race.
Pushback is important. In an era when certain frivolities are considered culturally critical, we need people to push back. We need those who will klop on the bimah and declare, “Lo yaaleh! Velo yavo!”
“No plastic?”
“Yes plastic!”
When I was growing up, I don’t remember too much hock about the Super Bowl. Honestly. Maybe football wasn’t as popular then. Maybe it was because I was in an out-of-town high school in Philadelphia, where we didn’t have access. I do remember the old man, Mr. Grossman, who owned a small bodega-like variety store near the yeshiva. He must have been European because he had an accent. He kvelled about his son, “Mine Rendy… he vun der supehrball mit dem Steelers.”
I heard from an old-timer who wondered about all the anti-Super Bowl learning gatherings for young and old alike. “I don’t remember if they had them back in my day,” he said, but he questioned why all the hype was needed. Isn’t that giving too much credence to what the “other side” is doing?
For me, extra learning gatherings are always great. Exciting the kids about fighting their inclinations and social pressures is fantastic and so important in a society in which the value system is turned on its head. So when billions are screaming and running up to the bimah and klopping, “Super Bowl,” it is comforting to know that Yankele has the guts to get up right after him and klop, “No Super! No Bowl!”
After all, you definitely have to act when it comes to the last straw.
