There are points during Shavuos when many of us feel on such a spiritual high that we wonder why, at other times during the year, we feel so low. For some of us, the high came during the singing at the ne’ilas hachag. For others, it was during the learning on Shavuos night. And for yet others, it was during davening. It does not matter when it happened. In general, Shavuos is a tremendously joyous Yom Tov, full of true chizuk in Torah. It is a Yom Tov when we are mekabel the Torah anew and when we really, truly want it to last.
Perhaps it is not a coincidence that Parshas Naso, which features the parsha of nozir, comes right after Shavuos.
Up, Down…and Up Again!
But first, by way of introduction, let me share a story that I happened to read on Erev Yom Tov.
Hillel*, an American bochur, learned in a prominent, non-chassidishe yeshiva in Yerushalayim in the early 1970s. During that period, he became very close to the Gerer Rebbe, the Bais Yisroel, and was deeply influenced by the elevated hanhogah taught and demanded by the Bais Yisroel.
Later, he returned to the United States, married, and, with time, had to enter the workforce to sustain his family.
Before long, Reb Hillel — the person who had learned so much from the Bais Yisroel and who always tried to rise above the pull of the yeitzer hora — found himself working in a large office. Working in that office may have been good for his financial bottom line, but it presented all kinds of spiritual hurdles that Reb Hillel was forced to overcome. It was not easy. He felt that his entire spiritual future was in danger, and he did not know what to do.
Hillel became tzubrochen. He was embarrassed…of himself. He was embarrassed at how exposed he had become to things to which he would not have wanted to be exposed. Even worse, he was so embarrassed that he did not have the courage to speak with a mentor about the nisyonos he was facing. This, in turn, made the situation even worse. It brought him to yiush, to despair.
Eventually, he took a short vacation from work and traveled to Eretz Yisroel.
He went to the Bais Yisroel, but was too embarrassed to tell the rebbe about his matzav. He did not even hint to the rebbe about the spiritual pitfalls he was facing and falling into.
On that Shabbos, the Shabbos of Parshas Acharei Mos, at the Gerer Bais Medrash, Reb Hillel was standing not far from the Bais Yisroel when the rebbe walked toward him and said the words from that week’s parsha, “Ushemartem es mishmarti v’lo sitamu bohem od — You will safeguard my charge and not be metamei yourselves through them…”
The way the rebbe focused his eyes on him and the specific posuk that he said sent an electric current through him. In his heart of hearts, he felt that the rebbe knew everything.
At that second, he felt that he had gotten past the nisayon of not being able to talk to the rebbe. His inhibition was gone. The next day, he went into the rebbe and opened his heart completely, relating everything. The rebbe was mechazeik him, elevating him tremendously. With just a few well-placed words, the rebbe enabled him to overcome all the chaos that had been muddling his brain. He walked out of the Bais Yisroel’s room like a different person.
What Is a Nozir?
This story got me thinking about the concept of nezirus.
There are many questions about nezirus, but first let us explore why a person would become a nozir.
One reason is to try to curb the power of the yeitzer hora. The Gemara (Nedorim 9) gives an example of a person who, after feeling that his yeitzer hora was overpowering him, undertook to become a nozir in order to elevate himself.
The Torah tells us that the root of the word nozir means separation. A nozir separates himself for thirty days from things that could lead to aveiros, such as wine. Also, the nozir does not cut his hair so as not to focus excessively on appearances, nor does the nozir come into contact with tumah.
After introducing the parsha of nozir, the Torah immediately tells us the halachos of what happens if a nozir mistakenly comes into contact with tumah during the thirty days of his nezirus. The Torah tells us how he must bring korbanos and then start over again.
Only then, after the Torah finishes telling us what one should do if he makes a mistake during his nezirus, does the Torah go on to tell us what one does if everything goes smoothly and which korbanos one brings at the conclusion of the thirty days of nezirus.
I once heard a basic question from one of the talmidim of the Bais Yisroel. He asked: Shouldn’t the Torah first tell us the halachos of nozir in a regular case, when a person properly completes his nezirus in accordance with halacha? Wouldn’t we expect that only then, after the Torah has explained all those halachos, the Torah would tell us what one should do in the unlikely event that he messes up his nezirus and is accidentally exposed to tumah? Why did the Torah tell us the halachos of what one should do if he messed up his nezirus before it actually finished telling us the halachos of a regular person who did not mess up his nezirus?
When We Try Hard…And Fall
He answered by explaining that there are times when we want to take our lives into our hands and stop being controlled by the yeitzer hora. We make a kabbolah to improve specific things that we feel need improvement. We really mean it. Our kabbolah is made with earnestness and great motivation, just like many of the kabbalos that many of us made on Shavuos or in advance of Shavuos.
If we are fortunate, the kabbolah does exactly what it is supposed to do, and we overcome the issue that has been weighing us down and vexing us. Everything is wonderful.
And then there are the times when it does not work the way we envisioned. There are times when, despite our best intentions and most heartfelt kabbalos, we are not successful, even on the very first try. There are times when the yeitzer hora places all kinds of stumbling blocks in our way, and instead of rising, we fall once again and feel even worse about it, because it happened despite our kabbolah and good intentions.
The Fall Is Part of Our Avodas Hashem
If this happens, the talmid of the Bais Yisroel explained, a person must strengthen himself and know that this is the seder ha’avodah. Kol haschalos kashos. All beginnings are difficult. In the end, however, a person can certainly rise above and merit to attain kedusha. Then, even that initial descent will result in ascent. Everything will be rectified. One should, therefore, never become totally broken as a result of a fall. The fall is itself part of our avodah. There are always ups and downs in our avodah.
That is why the Torah davka places the parsha of the nozir failing in his initial attempt first — to teach us that even if we fail initially in our quest for kedusha, or in any area of avodas Hashem, we should not become discouraged. Rather, we should get up, dust ourselves off, and try again.
This is the human condition in Olam Hazeh. There are ups and downs, and just as during the ups — such as on Shavuos — we were flying high, we must realize that, at times, there are also downs. Even more importantly, even during times of being down, we can always get up and start again.
Just like the nozir who messed up his nezirus, there is no room for despair, ever. Hashem is always there. He created us. He understands our nature. He just wants us to get up and not look back, but rather look forward and try again.
Try it!
