I was talking to an older person who has been in chinuch for many decades, the type of person in whom many confide and who possesses the wisdom and yishuv hadaas that comes with having seen a lot in life. This mechanech, whom we will call Reb Binyomin, told me that he was recently approached by a G-d-fearing Yid, who happens to be a mesivta maggid shiur. This maggid shiur came over and asked if he could speak to him. When they began to talk, the maggid shiur, who was some three decades his junior, said, “I can’t take it anymore! Elul is almost over, Rosh Hashanah is around the corner, and I am a bundle of nerves. I feel like such an oisvorf. I feel that my conduct is so far from what it should be. I feel like I am constantly making Hashem mad at me because I don’t behave as I should.”
Reb Binyomin asked him, “Do you think that Hashem is going to punish you because you are a bad person?”
“Yes,” the maggid shiur answered.
“Do you think that Hashem doesn’t like you because you are so bad?”
“Exactly,” the maggid shiur said.
Reb Binyomin, with great compassion, explained, “Do you realize that what you are thinking might be a very religious thought, but it is the wrong religion?”
The maggid shiur turned white. He had no idea what Reb Binyomin meant.
Reb Binyomin then continued, “Of course, there is a Shulchan Aruch and there are things that we are allowed to do and things that we are not allowed to do. Yes, there is a concept of middas hadin, and there are times when Hashem has no choice but to punish us. We must, however, always realize that this comes from rachmanus. It is not because Hashem doesn’t love us or hates us, chas veshalom. It comes from pure rachmanus, from ahavah, from the deepest love that Hashem has for us. He doesn’t dislike you! He doesn’t think that you are an oisvorf! In fact, the Torah tells us, ‘Bonim atem l’Hashem Elokeichem – You are Hashem’s beloved children.’”
Understanding the Concept of Malchiyos
This incident comes to mind when thinking about the concept of Malchiyos. We all know that the primary theme of Rosh Hashanah is Malchiyos. Let us stop and think for a second about what Malchiyos means. Does it mean that we scream at Hashem and tell Him, “Hashem, You better be ‘Melech al kol ha’olam kulo,’” as we proverbially wag our finger at Him? Does it mean that we scream in His face, “Vesimloch Attah levadecha,” saying, “Hashem, You have to become King and You must show the whole world that You are King”?
Of course, the answer is an emphatic no.
Now, let me say that what I am about to say is no more than my simple daas baalei battim. Any reader should take it or leave it. What I do think is important, however, is that before accepting or rejecting it, the reader should spend a minute thinking about it.
A simple understanding of Malchiyos is accepting Hashem’s Malchus upon ourselves. What does that mean? It means that we are machniah ourselves to His hanhagah, to the way He is conducting Himself with us. We don’t tell Him what we want. We accept what He wants.
Changing Course
We say, “If this is the way You want it, Hashem, that is the way I want it. I may not understand why this is happening to me or why I am going through this difficulty, but I accept Your will. I am subservient to Your Malchus, and if this is what You, the Melech, have decided, then I accept it. Not only do I accept it, but I feel like a child in the hands of a loving Father. It isn’t that I feel forced to accept it because I know You are stronger than me, but I accept it with ahavah, with hachna’ah, and I am therefore satisfied with His hanhagah. I am mevatel myself to His hanhagah.”
Malchus means that Hashem is part of your life always. You are thinking about Him, you are close to Him, and you are satisfied with His hanhagah even when you don’t necessarily understand it.
I was once speaking to a menahel of a large mosad, and he told me that he often sees that the children who are always acting out are the kids who come from homes where there is no strong leadership. Supper is sort of when it happens. If the child cleans up after himself, fine, but if he doesn’t, nothing is going to happen either. The house runs with a hands-off attitude to a fault.
Why does such a child act out? The child acts out because he is, in effect, saying, “I am too small to make my own decisions. I want someone to tell me what to do. I need that security. I need to feel taken care of. If I can just do what I want, that means I am hefker. I am not taken care of, and therefore, I have no security.”
What Can Make One Satisfied? Cultivating Appreciation for Hashem!
The feeling of Malchus that we need to cultivate in ourselves is the feeling of security in His care. We know that He is running the show. We are too little to run the show. The feeling of Malchus is having that serenity, that bitachon, that our Father has things under control. Things are not just hefker. We don’t tell Him what to do. Rather, we are machniah ourselves to Him, just like a child who lives in a family where there is proper leadership.
We will soon be laining Parshas Vezos Habrocha. The brocha that Moshe Rabbeinu gave to Naftoli is “Ul’Naftoli amar, Naftoli seva ratzon—And of Naftoli he said: Naftoli, satiated with favor, and filled with Hashem’s blessing…”
How is Naftoli always satisfied?
I once heard from an adam gadol that the next words in the posuk can be the answer. What are the next words? “Umalei birkas Hashem.” That’s it! When a person is constantly bentching Hashem, when a person is satisfied with the way Hashem is running his life, he brings upon himself more and more birkas Hashem and becomes satiated with birkas Hashem.
Rosh Hashanah is here. We are going to be mekabel His Malchus, so let us take the opportunity to accept His Malchus upon ourselves with hachna’ah. Let us stop telling Him what to do. Let us stop suggesting what we think He should do. Let us rather accept what He does with us with feelings of security and satisfaction. He is our King, and He is also our Father, and whatever He does is ideal.
