Several of our kind readers noticed that I had not written in these pages for several weeks. I thank them and our editor for their concern and good wishes. As it happened, I was in the hospital for over a week with a severe bout with cellulites. Boruch Hashem, I was back in shul, albeit on a diminished schedule, giving shiurim and drashos in time for Shavuos. However, we are taught (Brachos 5b) that when suffering come upon us, we are obligated to search our actions for the reason. I would therefore like to share several thoughts and insights that came to me during my convalescence.
First of all, I took close note of the fact that I was not able to learn properly in the hospital. I was taken in a rush by several of my amazing good friends in Hatzolah and only had time to grab one small Gemara. That was surely for the best, since hospital beds are not conducive to the usual large volumes from which we often learn. I took to heart that the Gemara (ibid.) makes a distinction between two types of pain. When one’s suffering causes bittul Torah – a reduction or G-d forbid cessation of learning – the cause is some kind of sin or infraction. If the yissurim do not diminish one’s ability to learn, the suffering may be attributed to yissurim shel ahavah, Hashem causing pain due to His love, to add to our merits or grant us more Olam Haba, a greater share in the World to Come. I sadly realized that I was not learning anywhere near what I should be, so I took every moment to heart.
It is an old joke, but people in hospitals always complain that “they woke me up to ask if I’m sleeping well.” Quite true, but while hospitals are not quite the ideal bais medrash, they are wonderful reminders to do teshuvah and get rid of any ego we might have left. Very few aspects of personal kavod habriyos are left, and we can reflect upon the Ribono Shel Olam’s omnipotence and our own frailty. Yet, Hashem grants us some light moments to remind us that He is still there, loving and guiding us. I was asked if I had any special dietary requirements and answered that I require kosher food and had another dietary limitation. Later, the second precaution was removed and the kitchen suddenly asked me if I also wished to drop the kosher diet. I took this not only as a smile from Above, but as a reminder that no matter where we are, the Shulchan Aruch and our Yiddishkeit go with us.
Regarding the bizyonos one inevitably undergoes, I looked up a story in Rav Meilech Biderman’s sefer (Be’er Hachaim on Pirkei Avos, page 63) on the subject. Rav Avrohom Brodky had severe trouble with his legs and had been given a frightening prognosis. Suddenly, a complete stranger began berating him and cursing this tzaddik for things he had never done. Nevertheless, he didn’t answer back with any response, but turned to Hashem with the following prayer: “Hashem, please make this humiliation a kapparah for the problem with my leg.” Indeed, just as he discovered later that the entire event was a case of mistaken identity, he realized that it had happened for a refuah for his leg, since the original diagnosis was now cancelled and he was able to walk again.
This thought occurred to me about the many petty and actually trivial things that happen to us, looming large in our minds but which are actually relatively benign and unimportant. I was reminded of the Gemara (Arachin 16b), which asks the question, “How small can anguish be to be counted as yissurim?” One answer, to modernize a bit, is when someone puts his hand in his pocket to take out a quarter to pay the meter and instead draws only a nickel, which doesn’t help. This, too, is called yissurim. Rav Chaim Shmulevitz explains that a human being is supposed to be so grand a creature that nothing ever goes wrong. After all, he is yetzir kapav shel Hakadosh Boruch Hu, the handiwork of Hashem. If something does in fact go wrong and he takes it properly as a sign from Hashem, then it does indeed count as yissurim and effectuates a kapparah. I tried to think of this with every test that was administered, and every pain, small or larger.
Another lesson that I would like to share is a common peeve amongst many patients in a hospital. Every day, they come to “take blood,” inevitably at the worst time and hour. Eventually, one begins to wonder: Why do they think that something changed so radically from yesterday or even this morning? Surely, you feel that you have no blood left to be tested anyway. The lesson, though, is obvious but very important. Each day is a new world. As we say, “Boruch Hashem yom yom” (Tehillim 68:20). We are not the same person, for better or worse, and it is up to us to make it better. A day can make a great deal of difference.
Rav Elya Lopian used to explain the words limnos yomeinu (Tehillim 90:12) in the following way. When something is not worth much, we measure it only in large amounts. For instance, scrap metal is sold by the ton. On the other hand, apples and oranges are sold by the pound. Diamonds, gold and silver, however, are sold by tiny amounts because of their value. We human beings are measured not in years or decades, but in days, because each one is precious and of infinite value. He concluded that this was the lesson we all learned from Sefirah. Each day is unique and cannot be replaced.
Rav Meir Shapiro made this point when he presented his Daf Yomi idea to the Knessiah Gedolah. He reminded us that even if we learned daf 38, but if we missed 39, the Gemara remains incomplete in our heavenly ledger. We may not want to be woken again to give blood, but the magic of a new day brings new hope and elevation.
Another lesson from the hospital is one that virtually all health workers – doctors, nurses, etc. – see daily but unfortunately may be inured and jaded to their impact. As a patient sharing a room and even just seeing others being transported to tests, we tend to see people who are much worse off than ourselves. First of all, there is a mitzvah to daven for them all, with the exception of those in the hospital in places where terrorists and other villains are also being treated. In fact, there is a promise that “one who davens for someone in a similar situation to himself will actually be answered first” (Bava Kamma 92a and see Pachad Yitzchok, Purim, No. 13). Secondly, the baalei mussar teach that we should be jealous of other people’s accomplishments in the spiritual fields, but not of their wealth or material possessions. Instead, we often do the opposite. We are not envious of Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv’s hasmadah or Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman’s middos, but we would certainly like a bit of Elon Musk’s money. A hospital stay – or even visit – is an amazing opportunity to count our blessings materially and make up our minds to be better spiritually.
Finally, a thought that occurred to me this past Shabbos after receiving many brachos for a refuah sheleimah. Rashi (Bamidbar 6:2) tells us that “one who sees a sotah in her degradation should declare himself to be a nozir.” It seems that seeing and hearing the adulteress virtually imploding should cause the person to avoid drinking wine. Rav Chaim Shmulevitz asks a basic question. This man has already been traumatized by the horrific result of a woman’s malfeasance. Others who have not witnessed this punishment should perhaps become a nozir, but why the one who has already been forewarned? The rosh yeshiva’s answer is deceptively simple. “If he saw it, he was meant to react. Others were not shown this lesson, so they need not take the vow.”
I thought about this lesson after all I had seen and heard in the hospital. “That was for me,” I thought. But perhaps we can go a bit further as well.
The Ibn Ezra writes that the Torah (6:2) uses the word peleh – a wonder – to describe the action of the nozir. He does something amazing by reacting properly to the stimulus he was given. Most of us do not; we shrug and move on. But the nozir becomes like a kohein gadol because he seized the moment to improve himself as opposed to rationalizing the event or putting it out of his mind entirely. In fact, the Medrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 11:1) explains that the juxtaposition of nozir and Birkas Kohanim is that he will receive the brachos because he has reacted.
We are all faced with events that have been divinely designed and designated for us personally. Let us try to react on the positive side with self-improvements and spiritually upgrades. I am trying and I pray that others will not need such severe reminders to become even just a bit better. Refuos and yeshuos to all who require them.
