In 1997, Rav Avrohom Pam underwent major surgery. While he was recuperating, a renowned askan who was very close to him came to visit. The man had come prepared with a list of important questions, but when he saw how ill Rav Pam looked, he changed his mind. Instead, he spent the good part of an hour relating stories of Jews who accomplished great chassodim in hidden ways so that they would receive no honor or accolades for their deeds. Rav Pam was visibly uplifted and he told the askan, “A father enjoys when people speak good about his children. I have no doubt that the Shechinah came to listen to these stories, and in that zechus, I will get better.”
In Atarah LaMelech, Rav Pam speaks of the opposite, of those who express criticism of their fellow Jews because they fail to judge them favorably. Rav Pam notes that every frum Jew looks with disdain at a moser, a Jew who indicts other Jews before the authorities. Rav Pam said that someone who speaks critically of his fellow Jew is indicting that person in Shomayim, because everything we say on this world is heard and has an impact in Shomayim. By speaking ill of others, we are causing a kitrug, indictment, of that person, which can cause him serious harm.
Furthermore, when we speak good of Jews, we silence the Soton and initiate a flow of brocha, and when we speak critically of others, we give the Soton the power to indict Klal Yisroel. In the introduction to Sefer Chofetz Chaim, the Chofetz Chaim cites a Zohar that speaks of the terrible harm we cause to Klal Yisroel, and the world in general, by speaking ill of others.
“You Are That Man!”
Rav Pam notes that often, when we speak critically of others we are passing judgment on ourselves. He cites the incident in Sefer Shmuel Bais (Perek 12) where Nosson Hanovi went to rebuke Dovid Hamelech for the incident with Bas Sheva. Nosson told Dovid a story about a poor man who owned but one sheep, and a rich man cruelly took it away to prepare a meal for his guest. Dovid, thinking that the story had actually occurred, said that the rich man should be killed. Nosson replied, “Atah ha’ish—You are that man!” for Dovid had taken Bas Sheva from her husband Uriah.
Rav Pam quoted the Baal Shem Tov as saying that this is the meaning of the Mishnah (Avos 3:16), “… and the collectors make their rounds and exact punishment from a person midaato ushelo midaato (with his knowledge and without his knowledge).”
Sometimes, when the Bais Din Shel Maalah wants to pass judgment on something a person did, they allow him to see or hear of a similar action that someone else did. And his reaction to that incident will decide his own fate. If he says, “What a chillul Hashem! He should be ashamed of himself…and he calls himself a frum Yid?” then he himself will be judged harshly. But if his reaction is, “Who knows what possessed him to do what he did? Do we know the struggles he is dealing with? As far as I know, he’s a good person,” then he himself will be judged leniently.
Therefore, the Mishnah says that punishment is exacted “with his knowledge,” for the person is passing judgment, but it is also “without his knowledge,” because the person doesn’t realize that, in fact, he is rendering judgment on himself!
A Lesson from Gidon
We can learn the importance of speaking well of Yidden, said Rav Pam, from the episode of Gidon (Shoftim, perek 6), who was zocheh to lead Klal Yisroel to victory over its enemies precisely for this reason. Gidon said to Hashem, “Yesterday, on Pesach, we said Hallel…and read that Hashem helped Klal Yisroel at the time of Yetzias Mitzrayim. If they were deserving, save us in their merit, and if they were not deserving, then save us just as You saved them.”
Hashem responded, “Lech bekochacha zeh—Go with this strength of yours,” meaning, “You have the ability to seek merit for Klal Yisroel; in your zechus, they will be redeemed” (Yalkut Shimoni #62). Apparently, the general population in Gidon’s time was lacking in certain ways, and the G-d-fearing found it hard to speak positively of them—until Gidon came along. And it was his saneguria, his passionate defense of his people, that brought them salvation.
Comparing Generations
Rav Pam was extremely careful never to speak critically of Jews. He would say that even when a Jew’s guilt is public knowledge, it is wrong to discuss this except for a constructive purpose. To speak negatively of other Jews for no reason other than to vent anger and frustration is, in his words, an avon pelili, a grievous sin, that delays Moshiach’s arrival.
He would say, “If you can improve a situation through criticism, then do so. But don’t be guilty of malshinus (being an informer against Jews).”
Once, Rav Pam related a story that spoke the praise of a certain rov of a previous generation. The listener responded, “Ah, that’s how it was by amolige rabbonim (rabbonim of yesteryear),” implying that today’s rabbonim don’t compare to them.
Rav Pam responded rather forcefully, “What do you mean? Today’s yungeleit who can pasken shailos have nothing to be ashamed of, both in their scope of knowledge and in their ability to apply it.”
Another time, when someone drew a similar comparison between generations, Rav Pam responded uncharacteristically, “Stop it! You are speaking malshinus.”
Not the Way to Seek Tzedakah
One Purim, a bochur repeated a devar Torah that he had told to wealthy people when he solicited tzedakah from them. The thrust of the devar Torah was a criticism of Jews whose tzedakahgiving did not match their prosperity. Rav Pam disapproved of this approach. He said that it was wrong to come to a person’s house and ask for tzedakah by criticizing. He then went on to praise today’s baalei tzedakah, saying that some of them give unheard-of sums to various causes, and at the same time, they also help individuals generously.
“This was my grandfather’s way,” said a grandson of Rav Pam, “to counteract what he perceived as a kitrug by speaking the praises of Klal Yisroel.”
A Lesson and a Letter from Rav Wolfson
My rebbi, Rav Moshe Wolfson, spent many summers in the Old City. One Shabbos, a talmid who was learning in Eretz Yisroel was Rav Wolfson’s guest for the Friday night seudah. They davened Maariv at the Kosel and then made their way to Rav Wolfson’s apartment. As they walked, they passed the home of a Yid who was singing a Shabbos zemer to a popular Breslover tune. The shades were up and one could see the Yid, who did not appear to be chareidi.
“Aren’t the Yidden of Yerushalayim amazing?” Rav Wolfson said rhetorically. “Listen to how beautifully he sings!”
Young and not mature enough to fully appreciate his rebbi’s outlook, the talmid responded, “But his singing might just be a reflection of his culture! In his home, these are the Shabbos niggunim that were always sung.”
This response clearly bothered Rav Wolfson. “Are you a maven on Yidden?” he asked. “You see a Yid doing something good and you want to make light of it?” Throughout the seudah, he found opportunities to point out the inherent goodness in every Jew.
Like Rav Pam, with whom he was very close, Rav Wolfson was an ish shalom who never became involved in any sort of machlokes. Any time a machlokes erupted in Klal Yisroel, he would take the opportunity during his seudah shlishis drasha to urge everyone to not even discuss what was happening. He gave instructions that if either side in the dispute were to bring literature to Emunas Yisroel, it should immediately be discarded.
In a letter to the kehillah written twenty-five years ago when he was spending the summer in Eretz Yisroel, Rav Wolfson wrote:
“… The mission of our generation is to redeem the nitzozos of kedusha that have fallen into captivity, which earlier generations, kedoshei elyon, could not redeem because they did not fall to such depths (as did later generations, and therefore could not reach these nitzozos)…
“… Surely, the Baal Dovor [i.e., the Soton ] will not remain silent at such a time and he will seek to sow strife among brothers (because this is what destroyed the Bais Hamikdosh, and the tikkun is unity and love). We need to stand watch, out of fear of the enemy.
“Please, please, strengthen yourselves to increase love and achdus among you and with any Jew who seeks closeness with Hashem. Daven together, learn together, lend one another a helping hand.
“Do not become involved with machlokes; do not even speak about machlokes, as we have already discussed. Woe to us that the Baal Dovor has gone to war against Klal Yisroel by creating rifts.
“‘From my enemies I grew wise’ (Tehillim 119:98). If we see that the Baal Dovor is trying with all his might to cause our holy people to stumble in machlokes, and in nisyonos of guarding our eyes and thoughts in ways that did not exist since the days of the Mabul, this is a clear indication of how precious are the times in which we live. We can accumulate a (spiritual) fortune by standing guard, and ward off all harsh judgments from ourselves, our families, and all of Klal Yisroel.”
As we approach Rosh Hashanah, Klal Yisroel is in desperate need of great yeshuos, both collectively and individually, in Eretz Yisroel and in chutz la’aretz. Let us follow the example of Rav Pam and Rav Wolfson and avoid all discussion of machlokes or other negative talk about Yidden. Let us remember what Rav Pam said when he was told stories about the chesed that Jews do for others: “A father enjoys when people speak good about his children.” Our good words about other Yidden can bring a flow of brocha for our weary nation.
