Everyone has a different perspective on the world. A different way of viewing it… which leads to a different attitude toward it… and thus a different way of reacting to it.
Let me explain what I mean by way of a few examples. Without much effort, I can think of at least five typical responses to being a person in this world.
One kind of person has a cautious outlook. What we might call a fear-based response. She’s rather timid about venturing out into the great, big world, distrustful not so much of others as of her own ability to cope with whatever the world may throw at her. As a result, she tends to adopt a “please love me” demeanor. Viewing most other people as more powerful than herself, she wants to find favor in their eyes. At the very least, she hopes thereby not to antagonize them or arouse their ire toward her. At best, they may decide to throw their protective aura around her, making her feel safe and cherished.
A similar fear-based response arises from emotional neediness. She craves love but doesn’t really believe in her own lovability. She regards other people as a potential source of the companionship, affection and support she needs but may be too insecure to ask for. Again, this will prompt her to curry favor with others rather than try to dominate them.
The second type of individual does try to dominate. More aggressive by nature, he sees the world as a place to be conquered. The people he meets are his competitors for life’s many and manifold prizes.
Having this attitude, he uses whatever tools he has at his disposal to beat the world, or at least his small corner of it, into submission. These tools can range from a shrewd business sense to a dominant leadership style to a ruthless disregard for anything that does not directly affect his goals. They can also include a charming manner that wins him what he wants in a softer, pleasanter fashion. Either way, his eye is always on the ball as he courts success.
The third type of person is a pragmatist. The world is her toolbox. Neither positive nor negative, frightening nor friendly, it is simply there to be used, and preferably in the most efficient way possible. She delights in finding bargains, discovering good household hacks and sharing kitchen and child-rearing tips with others. She’s an industrious and highly capable worker in her chosen career.
For the pragmatist, everything boils down to getting the job done. She can be responsible and loyal, though perhaps lacking in sensitivity toward the more abstract or delicate aspects of life and relationships. A sunset whose beauty might make another person turn lyrical means nothing more to her than a sign that it’s time to get the kids moving toward bedtime. She’s the ultimate in practicality.
We can call the fourth kind of person an idealist. He has a sense of what the world can be and yearns to see it grow in that direction. Some idealists are content to remain in their ivory towers, either as philosophers or as creatives artists of one kind or another. Others, more dynamic by nature, are willing to put themselves on the front lines to make change happen.
Such people tend to be active on behalf of whatever cause touches them most deeply. Whether a community activist, philanthropist, doctor, nurse, social worker, protester or politician, they strive to make their mark on the world not as a leader, necessarily, but as a proponent for positive change.
The fifth kind of individual views the world through the lens of love. Simply put, they are in love with everyone and serenely expect everyone to love them back. She sees others in the best possible light, delights in their successes and commiserates with them in their failures. Though her closest relationships are paramount, that doesn’t stop her from connecting to just about everyone she meets. She is a people person par excellence, but it doesn’t occur to her to try to charm or flatter or dominate them. That’s not her style.
While friends and family may shake their heads and call her naïve, she can’t help but take joy in the goodness she perceives everywhere. Such single-minded perception can be a little unrealistic. Her untrammeled belief in everyone’s complete and utter goodness may prevent her from noticing the evil that may be lurking just out of sight, and protecting against it.
Raw Material
This is, of course, a mere sampling of the myriad categories of individuals and their attitudes toward the world around them. Given that Hashem populated His creation with such diverse typologies, it stands to reason that He is fully aware not only of the strengths that each of us brings to our approach, but also the weaknesses. Is it any wonder that He fashions unique and custom-tailored tests for each of us, to help us grow stronger where we need to be?
The timid personality may be tossed head-first into a situation that forces her to grow up quickly and become much more assertive than she ever dreamed she could be. A medical saga, perhaps, or a problematic child, or any other crisis that calls for all her latent strength to advocate for a loved one. By the end of the story, she may be astounded to find that she’s stronger and more effective than she’d have believed possible!
The assertive, dominant type may find themselves in a relationship that forces them to get in touch with their softer side on a more-or-less constant basis. There may be a trigger that helps them to start viewing others as something other than the competition, or an enemy that must be crushed under their heel in order for them to succeed. The need for softness can humble them, helping them learn that there are many different kinds of power in the world which have nothing to do with conquest at all.
The pragmatist may be forced by Divinely orchestrated circumstances to acknowledge that there’s more to life than running a super-efficient home or building a successful career. Practicality may have to take a back seat to a new, hard-won sensitivity, and the kind of emotional intelligence she never considered worth pursuing.
For the idealist, the challenge may be to understand and embrace the fact that he can’t change the world. He can only try to positively impact the tiny piece of it that’s been allotted to him in his lifetime. Instead of making great, sweeping reforms, he can do his best to improve the things that lie within his power to change, one life at a time.
The super-loving but naïve person will undoubtedly encounter situations that will challenge her belief in humanity’s untarnished goodness. She will come to recognize that everyone, like herself, has their less savory sides. That everyone, including herself, can suffer from the kind of myopic vision that leads to poor choices. If she can traverse this disillusionment without growing bitter or cynical, she’ll end up much richer for it. She’ll be able to accept people as they truly are, and not as they once appeared through her rose-tinted glasses.
Only Hashem knows the precise areas in us which each of us needs some shoring up. Only His omniscience can devise the precise challenges and circumstances to bring each of us to an awareness of where we’re lacking and how we can grow.
And Hashem is the One to reap nachas when He sees His game plan succeed!
