Someone once asked her rebbetzin for advice. Her young daughter was ready to be registered for school, but she and her husband were uncertain whether to sign her up for the bigger school which had been a landmark in the community for decades, or a newer, smaller one that had recently opened.
The rebbetzin, who had sent several daughters of her own to the larger, more established school, had been satisfied with the education they received there. “But you have to be careful about who her friends are,” she warned. “There are girls from all kinds of families in the big school. The circle of friends your daughter makes will have a strong influence on how she turns out.”
Friends, as everybody knows, exert a powerful influence on each other. So do neighbors, which is presumably why Chazal urged us to stay away from both a bad friend and a bad neighbor. Proximity has its pitfalls.
But these days, even those far away from us possess the ability to influence us. In a world of instant global communication and hyperactive social media, you don’t have to be talking to someone face to face to be touched by their words or impacted by their agenda. Anyone with a message, from politicians to educators to fashion trend-setters, is capable of reaching a wider audience than those in the past could ever have dreamed of.
Anyone can figuratively tap us on the shoulder and ask for our attention at any time. Add the power of glitz and the bombardment of repetition, and you end up with a situation in which it feels like half the world is trying to influence the other!
A Willing Audience
When you picture an “influencer,” you may be tempted to imagine someone larger than life, with a personality to match. Someone with tremendous charisma and a style of oratory well-endowed with the wow factor.
Not necessarily. In this age of blogs and podcasts, anyone who feels like talking can be pretty sure of finding an audience. And what’s talked about will find its way into the listeners’ ears and, if they tune in long enough, into their hearts as well.
You’d think that people would be wary of being influenced. That we’d run a mile to get away from someone with an agenda they want us to adopt. After all, aren’t we independent beings with minds of our own? But as history has borne out, for the vast majority of individuals the opposite is true. We are irresistibly drawn to influencers.
Those who propounded equality and fraternity in France before the French Revolution found a ready audience for their ideas. Willing hordes flocked to the Communist standard across the vast expanse of Tzarist Russia. The same holds true for followers of false messiahs throughout the ages. If the message is one which we long to hear, we won’t only refrain from pushing it away… we’ll warmly embrace it.
We seek out people who offer a message we yearn for or already believe in, and then willingly listen to them expound on it. When arguing politics with a relative one day, she accused me of tuning in exclusively to those political pundits whose opinions mirror my own. This was, and still is, inarguably true. I have no desire to listen to people whose political theories or world view runs counter to mine.
In common with most of mankind, I prefer to be influenced by those who already agree with me!
Inner Influence
It’s well known that a person is drawn to what he wants. When we have a strong desire for something, we’ll find the ways and means to go out and get it. Even more, we’ll search for ways to justify getting it. There’s a tireless voice inside us that’s constantly working to influence us. Generally, it finds a willing audience. That’s because the things it steers us toward are generally what, deep down, we already want.
That tireless voice, which we know as the yetzer hora, is the biggest influencer of all. It taps into our human inclination toward physical hedonism, emotional egotism, and spiritual laziness. Not surprisingly, its message is one which our weaknesses eagerly latch onto.
If I’m feeling jealous of someone, or disapproving, or have been hurt by them, I’m all set up to become a captive audience for anyone who wants to speak badly about them. That’s why lashon hora speakers have such an easy time of it. There are always eager ears attuned to hearing what the gossipers have to say, to confirm what they themselves already feel and think. It’s not so different from turning to the political pundits we already agree with… though, of course, far more destructive.
We are captive audiences for our yetzer hora. It taps into feelings we already harbor and molds its message to suit those feelings. Such a persuasive echo of our own emotions can be hard to resist.
Luckily, we also have another human inclination, albeit one which has its start later than the first and must be assiduously cultivated throughout our lifetimes. The yetzer tov is the voice of our positive influencer. It latches on to the desire within us to be pure and good. To abandon those aspects of our character which drag us down. It helps us find the courage to aspire to greatness.
As we’ve mentioned on these pages before, the voice of our negative influencer is far louder than that of our positive one. The yetzer hora plants himself front and center, and it uses a loudspeaker to get its nefarious message across. Our good inclination, though neither timid nor shy, speaks in a softer voice. A voice we need to lean in close to hear. A voice which becomes more compelling, the longer we pay attention to what it’s trying to tell us.
Basically, the yetzer tov reminds us of our own humanity, shaped by the Divine the image of our Creator. It tells us that we’re better than our own negative inclinations. It postulates that, with consistent effort, we can rise above them and become our best selves.
As Chazal teach us, actions are drawn after the heart. If our emotions and desires are the things which most strongly influence our behavior, then I guess you could say it’s the job of the yetzer hora and yetzer tov to influence the influencers.
And may the best man win!
