One of the things I wish someone had told me before I got married is, in truth, one of the many basic differences between a man and a woman. When a man hears about a difficulty or a complaint, his natural response is to try to solve the problem. When a woman shares a difficulty or complains about something, she is not necessarily looking for a solution. She’s looking to be heard and understood. Too bad it took me so long to figure that out…
In truth, not every problem has a solution. Some problems are simply intractable. There is no fix, no plan, nothing to do—except to turn to Hashem and place the burden on His shoulders.
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on this more and more, especially when hearing about people’s struggles, whether in chinuch, shalom bayis, parnassah, or…fill in the blank. These challenges are often intense, with no visible way out. Some believe that any problem can be solved if enough money is thrown at it, but that’s simply not true. Issues like middos problems, health challenges and dysfunction can’t always be bought away.
Not every boo-boo can be soothed with a freeze-pop and a Band-Aid.
Fleeing Difficulties
In Parshas Masei, the Torah recounts the 42 journeys that the Bnei Yisroel traveled during their time in the midbar. The Baal Shem Tov teaches that these 42 journeys are a guide for how we, as individuals, should approach the journeys and challenges in our own lives.
There’s no such thing as a challenge-free life. Just as the Bnei Yisroel faced many trials during their travels in the midbar, so too, each one of us encounters hardships in our personal journey. The question is: How do we respond?
The Sefas Emes cites a Medrash that discusses what a person should do when facing overwhelming challenges. Sometimes, one can run from the difficulty. For instance, we see that Dovid Hamelech fled from Shaul to save his life. Moshe Rabbeinu ran from Mitzrayim when Paroh sought to kill him. Likewise, in our own lives, we may face situations that force us to escape.
When Running Away Is Not an Option
There are times when there’s no escape, when a person must confront the difficulty head-on. The Medrash says, “When the Yidden were in the midbar, there was no place to run. What did Hashem do? Hashem said, ‘The entire forty years in the midbar, I made sure you did not have to run away. I took down those who hated you or tried to harm you [through the Ananei Hakavod that shielded you], and I didn’t let the snakes and scorpions bite you.’”
The Sefas Emes explains that the Medrash teaches us a powerful life lesson: When you can’t run from a challenge, you must find a way to endure it from within. Sometimes, the very hardship is what ultimately saves us. It becomes the tool that enables us to cope. Hashem says, “Imo anochi b’tzarah—I am with you in your tzarah.”
Similarly, in Hallel, we say, “Min hameitzar—From the narrow place itself, I call to Hashem.” Sometimes, the tzarah itself creates a deeper closeness to Hashem. That closeness is the salvation. That’s what happened to the Bnei Yisroel in the midbar, and it can happen to us today, too.
The Only Thing to Do: Turn to Hashem
This same message was clear at Krias Yam Suf. Picture the scene: The Yidden had just left Mitzrayim, and suddenly, they hear Paroh’s army pursuing them. They try to flee, but in front of them is the sea, behind them are the Egyptians, and on either side are dangerous wilderness areas. They are trapped!
They cry out to Moshe. What does Moshe say? “Stand by and you will see the yeshuah, the salvation of Hashem.”
Sometimes, we are stuck. There’s nothing practical we can do. All we can do is “stand by,” strengthen our bitachon in Hashem, and know that the yeshuah will come from that faith.
When Doing Nothing Brought Ruach Hakodesh
We see a similar message in the story of Miriam Haneviah.
What happened? A young, seven-year-old girl, deeply attached to her baby brother Moshe, watches helplessly as her family places him in a basket to float down the river. How terrifying. What were the chances he would survive?
So what did Miriam do? The posuk tells us, “Miriam, his sister, stood there from afar to find out what would become of him.” She did nothing else. She just stood and waited.
Sometimes, there’s nothing we can do except strengthen our bitachon, remain steady, and watch what Hashem will do. And if we truly place our trust in Him, we can achieve great spiritual growth through that alone.
In fact, the Medrash tells us that as Miriam stood there, ruach hakodesh rested on her. Her connection with Hashem during that moment of anguish elevated her. Her pain became a channel for Divine inspiration.
Each of us faces personal journeys and challenges. And sometimes, the only thing to do is to strengthen our bitachon, remember that the nisayon comes from Hashem, and realize that we can grow from the tzarah.
“Der Otzar Ligt Bei Dir!”
This brings to mind the well-known story shared by Rav Simcha Bunim of Peshischa:
Reb Eizik, the son of Reb Yekkel, lived in Cracow and was very poor. After years of hardship, he had a recurring dream about a treasure buried under a bridge in Prague. After the third time, he decided to go.
His wife protested, “Eizik, what are you doing? You think because of a dream you’ll find a treasure? You’ll just waste money and time!”
Still, Reb Eizik set out. When he reached Prague and saw the bridge from his dreams, he realized that there was a problem: It was guarded constantly. He waited day after day, hoping for a chance to dig.
Eventually, a guard approached him and asked what he was doing. Reb Eizik explained about his dream.
The guard laughed. “So, because you had a foolish dream, you traveled all the way from Cracow? If I believed my dreams, I’d be headed to Cracow myself! I dreamt of a treasure under the stove of some dirty Jew named Eizik ben Yekkel. You think I’d go chase that? Absurd!”
Reb Eizik thanked the man and returned home. When he arrived, still poor and in rags, his wife scolded him again.
But he replied, “Please wait. I need to check behind the stove.”
His wife was horrified. “First, you come back empty-handed, and now you’re destroying our wall?”
Undeterred, he broke through the wall…and found a vast treasure buried beneath his own stove.
“There is a shul in Cracow,” Rav Simcha Bunim concluded, “called Reb Eizik ben Reb Yekkel’s shul. It’s said that he used some of that treasure to build it.”
Rav Simcha Bunim would say: People travel far and wide searching for solutions, not realizing that the treasure lies within. Der otzar ligt bei dir! Sometimes the slow, steady path of avodah brings out the inner treasure waiting to be discovered.
During these days of Bein Hametzorim, we, too, are in a time of constriction, an eis tzarah. But through tefillah and bitachon in Hashem, we can elevate ourselves spiritually and find within the tzarah itself the path to deeper ruchniyus.
