Some of the calls and letters were respectful and politely disagreed with my position. There were a few people who called me to share their opinions as to why one might hit a child who, for example, runs into the street, which I said I didn’t understand.

While there were many responses in support of what I wrote, there were enough pro-hitting ones that I thought that perhaps I should rethink my position. I did. I did more than just rethink it. I read up on the subject and I spoke to experts in the field. I even spoke to some gedolim about the issue.

After everything I read, heard and thought about, I remain firm in my original position, but with more conviction. Thus, the title of this article is really “Never, Again.” I am repeating my position from the original article: Parents should never hit their children.

For the record, I think it is important to clarify that the optimum approach in certain situations is for a parent to give an occasional potch to a child. However, because that potch has to be done with such care and after taking steps to ensure that it is due to love and concern and not, chas veshalom, due to anger or frustration, my advice has been to never hit a child. The overwhelming number of people who hit their children do so for the wrong reasons and go about it the wrong way. We are thus safer, in my opinion, by maintaining a position to never hit a child.

I know that there are some who feel that hitting children is a positive part of their upbringing and is an effective manner of discipline. I am hopeful that they would agree that in our times, and as a result of how it is usually done, it is better not to hit children.

I would like to share two short paragraphs from “Planting and Building” by Rav Shlomo Wolbe zt”l (pages 46-47). He writes the following after mentioning the famous posuk in Mishlei (13:24) which states, “He who spares the rod hates his son.”

Rav Wolbe states:

“Elsewhere, however, we find another verse… ‘And I took for myself two rods; the one I called pleasantness and the other I called beating, and I herded the flock.’ The verse mentions two rods: one that we use to beat and another that we can also use to educate, but through pleasantness - the rod of pleasantness. We must recognize that the rod of pleasantness is also a rod, but it causes no pain. When I offer encouragement, this too is a rod. If a child performs well and I give him a piece of chocolate, this is also a rod, but it is a rod of pleasantness.

“We cannot imagine how much we damage a child when we strike him. Rav Eliyahu Lopian once instructed me, ‘We only deal with children in a pleasant way.’ He told me that late in life, he came to regret the few spankings he had given his children when they were young. Rav Lopian raised eleven children, many of whom headed leading yeshivas later on - and he rejected spanking.”

In preparing this second article, I called the gabbai of a certain rebbe and asked him to ask the rebbe what the position of his father, the previous rebbe of that group, was regarding the issue of hitting. He responded that his father felt that there are times when it is necessary to potch a child. However, before doing so, one must complete all of Tehillim, go to the mikvah, and put on one’s best clothes.

I understood that to mean that the potch is to be given only when we are sure that there is no hint of anger.

Let me share some other quotes from gedolim on this subject. I didn’t hear these quotes directly from the gedolim mentioned, but someone who researched this issue in the past shared them with me. My primary point here is that since we are, in all likelihood, not going to give a potch as it was intended to be given, we should refrain from potching altogether. The hashkofas haTorah and the views of our gedolim don’t need anyone’s haskamah. I am merely sharing their words and directives to convey that in formulating my approach, I have considered what has been written and said about this topic. It can been seen that many of our gedolim, while not taking a position against hitting children, have viewed potching as a last resort.

Rav Yaakov Yisroel Kanievsky zt”l, the Steipler Gaon, said, “...A child must be disciplined when he does something wrong. The parent should potch him but not with anger… It is necessary to potch children.”

Rav Shmuel Wosner said: “It appears straightforward to me that everything that was said through Divine inspiration and prophecy are eternally applicable - and this would include the verse, ‘He who withholds his rod hates his child.’ …The child must sense that he is being struck only for his own good - and this certainly remains a mitzvah that applies for all time…

“…The correct way for a father to initially discipline his son is through verbal chastisement. As long as that helps, the ‘rod’ can be left hanging on the wall. But the child should be aware that corporal punishment is a possibility if he ignores his parents' guidance.”

Rav Chaim Kanievsky said, “There are people nowadays who think that it is forbidden to lay a hand to a child…but this is not the right way according to the Torah… …There are times when it is necessary to physically strike a child… It is certainly necessary to hit a child if he engages in a serious aveirah, but it is the father’s duty to act with great discretion and wisdom and to only rarely resort to such punishment…”

Rav Moshe Shternbuch said, “…As a last resort, one may have to try physical correction or other punishment.”

Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman said, “The Torah does not change; [the posuk] ‘He who spares the rod hates his child’ was said for our generation as well, and a young child who is chutzpadik to his mother may be hit. It is self-understood that this must be done sensibly and not in an uncaring manner…”

Rav Shaul Wagschal said, “…If a child is disrespectful, there must be an immediate demonstration of disapproval. This may take the form of a strict look, a short reprimand, and, if necessary, a deliberate little smack on the hand, depending on the age of the child and the severity of the offense…”

Rav Dovid Cohen said, “…A person may be oiver any of the mitzvos bein adam lachaveiro if it is leto’eles. This includes a potch lesheim chinuch, when done properly - without ka’as…”

The Nikolsburger Rebbesaid, “…At times, a parent must punish a child by potching him…”

As I conclude the second article on this topic, I ask myself what my goals were in writing these articles. Allow me to share my thoughts.

If I succeed and convince only one or two parents not to hit their children, I feel that I was successful, as have potentially saved a few children. That is my primary goal, but I also have a secondary goal as well. If, after all that you have heard, read and thought about, you still feel that there is a need to potch, I plead with you to learn how to administer a potch properly. Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l stated very directly that when one administers a potch that is given not lesheim chinuch - e.g., excessively or in anger - one is oiver alav. There are even some rabbonim who would first say a special Hineni muchon umezumon before potching their child.

Again, if you feel that you need to potch your children, I strongly urge you to do so in the proper manner. As with all important issues, consult with your posek and moreh derech for personal guidance on this matter.